Monday, November 30, 2009
Four Rules of Intimacy
Hmmm....Intimacy! You would be surprise to know a lot of people lack this trait in a relationship. People get so caught up in "doing the grown up" or "the freak nasty" but it is hard for people to develop intimacy. Why? Dictionary.com defines intimacy in two ways: 1)the state of being intimate. (I always hated when dictionaries defined the term with the word in the definition) or
2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group (that's more like it!).
Now don't get me wrong! Not everyone is deserving of intimate access, in fact, the first rule to intimacy would be 1) Know what you are getting into. I have seen this story too many times where one person always misconstrues what is really going on. One person sees the relationship as a physical way to relieve some stress and the other person falls head over heels in love. As Rihanna would say "F--- Love!" If you know this person is only a "get right opportunity" then don't feed them a dream...thanks!
Rule #2 A kiss don't lie. One of the main reasons intimacy fails in a relationship is people fail to pucker up. Yup! Smooch, kiss, the french connection, pecker roos, big wet ones...yup! You would be surprised that some people don't even like kissing. And behavior like that makes it difficult for people to connect with each other. Now if the person's mouth game or breath isn't on point, then I totally understand....no explanation needed EXCEPT why do you allow yourself to be tortured? Kissing may seem easy to some but it really isn't for most. If you know you are not a kisser then you need to tell your partner you are not so they won't presume something else. And if you don't mind it, then do yourself a favor, "taste it and savor it (Thanks! Weezy F. Baby)."
Rule # 3 Why do I feel like, somebody is watching me? Ummm because they are. Observations such as body language, awkward stares, watching you while you sleep on the couch...ahhh (insidy) No seriously! How a person acts around you privately and publically can tell you a lot about your connection with that person. If your meeting friends and family (or friends like family) then you are on the right track...now if your meeting kidnappers, animal control, therapist or even worse NO ONE at all then I would be leery about this relationship. Actually, I would just run. yeah.
Rule # 4 Intimacy only works if people keep it real. Period. Ask a question. Simply "asking" will only open the door for "telling." If your not asking, then I guess your Houdini because I wasn't born a mind reader. Keeping it real is so important in establishing a solid connection. If the person can barely look you in the eye and tell you their full government name then that's a red flag. Hello? If this person shows a history of telling outlandish lies about what they do? who they know? or what they have? and your still scratching your head or your ass about it then...LEAVE IT honey...Intimacy don't live here.
Yes I know I just wrote a whole book about intimacy right now but it's oh so necessary. What are your thoughts about it? XoXo