Do you speak "Dutch" on your date?

Ummm so…it has been brought to my attention…repeatedly… that the hottest trend on the dating scene is speaking “Dutch.” Not the language for all the literal thinkers out there, I am talking more about the concept of Dutch dating. It has always been around but I guess hard times have prompted it to be a common thing. The definition of Dutch dating is when two people or a couple go out for the evening (usually it is a dinner engagement) and instead of one person picking up the tab for the evening both people are expected to pay for their own expenses. Now don’t get me wrong many people are firm believers of this concept, in fact, some people find it more economical because it prevents people from overspending on a date. It is better to have a discussion about it first so everyone agrees that going Dutch is okay. However, there are some inconsiderate a-holes who prey on people (it’s common on the first date or blind date) who are unexpectedly coerced into going Dutch at the last minute without notice.
Memo to The Cheapskate: If you know that your wallet doesn’t make cents, then don’t f---- ask someone to go on the date especially if you know you can’t afford filet mignon and salmon? Have some d-- class. Now if you are victim of this, just remain calm. I know deep down inside you probably want to jump across the table and smash the ice cream sundae on his or her face but realize it ain’t that deep. So if anyone asks, “Do you speak ‘Dutch’ on your date?” kindly excuse yourself from the table and make a run for it!!! I bet they will learn how to speak English quickly after getting stuck with the check. Post Date Directions: Delete their number immediately!!! Or list them as “DDD (Dutch Dating Dummy).” Now that’s what I call Lesson 101: American Etiquette for Dummies.

Disclaimer: I have no idea why this concept is called Dutch in the first place. This post is not meant to offend any natives or ancestors of the Dutch community. In fact the Dutch are cool in my book.